When Ballet Attacks: Get Big!

Beautiful dancers, when I started this blog post, I was searching Google for a picture of a person surviving a bear attack by making themselves big. Let me tell you, that was not a good phrase to search. I was rewarded with lots of photos of bears being very mean and scary and lots of photos of people who had survived the attacks but had been bloodied and disfigured in the process.

So this will have to do:

Courtesy YouTube

FYI this image is TOTALLY WRONG! If you encounter a brown or Grizzly bear, you are supposed to lie down and play dead; if you encounter a black bear, you are supposed to make yourself big. Here's more about bear safety. (#1: talk to it??? Really???)

Thank you for coming to my TED talk about bears.

Now back to ballet...

Imagine if you will, ballet is your bear. It looks cuddly and you think it must be soft and cozy to curl up with, especially from a distance where you can see the sun catch its sleek coat and admire its graceful lope along the park path. 

"Ah," you think. "I would like to walk alongside this bear and get into bear adventures with it."

But you get closer and you see it's got teeth - really big ones - and its paws are the size of your head and if they get too close, they will swipe your face clean off your skull. Uh-oh! Run away!

For some people, this is how they approach ballet: as if it's a terribly mean bear and they are encroaching on its territory. Some bears, I mean ballet dancers and instructors, want you to feel this way about ballet. They want you to think you don't belong so run away or play dead but you can't join us on our bear, I mean ballet, adventures.

That's just B.S. (bear s***). You do belong. You just haven't learned the bear language yet.

Another FYI...it takes years to learn to speak the bear language. But that's okay. You're not in a rush, are you? You start slowly, studying the basics, then once you've got a handle on those, you progress and study further, maybe try a higher level or learn to perform. But how do you manage in the meantime? What do you do when the bear sneaks up on you and threatens you? You don't speak bear yet, so how do you handle this encounter?

In ballet terms, I mean you're taking class and you're faced with a step or correction you don't understand. What do you do, especially if you worry that the bear/ballet doesn't want you there?

1. Talk to the bear...ask the teacher for a more specific breakdown of the step (preferably at a time when it is convenient to do so or when questions are allowed to be asked). You might need a private lesson or two to feel comfortable attempting it in class.

2. Get to higher ground and be bigger than the bear...when we feel anxious about something, we naturally make ourselves physically smaller. We retreat (play dead, run away) instead of attacking it back. When you feel anxious in class, deliberately make your arms bigger and your upper body the focus of the movement. It helps regulate your breath and it keeps you lifted instead of collapsing. Use your demi-plie to help you get off the floor or travel farther and faster. Don't run away, take a breath, extend yourself beyond your immediate physical boundary.

While I hate the admonition to "fake it til you make it," it comes in handy here. Sometimes you need to act like you know what you're doing before you actually do.

3. Be bigger than the bear mentally...you came to the park to see bears. You're prepared. You want to go on bear adventures even if they are scary and you don't know how long you'll be hiking. But that's the joy of ballet: the adventure it takes you on. It's a lifelong adventure. It has its ups and downs. Some days you will nail a double pirouette with ease; some days you can hardly manage a wobbly balance. The bear doesn't show you how hard it is to be a bear - you discover that yourself. But you have every right to be there so give yourself permission to not get things correctly the first time - and be all right with it. If you have to grin and bear it (ha! see what I did there?), so be it. 

Happy dancing, everyone!

Use it or Lose it! A mantra for 2022

Hello beautiful dancers~

We're not yet finished with 2021 but I am starting to think about what 2022 will look like. If, like me, you were disappointed in 2021, I think it's because we expected "normal" to return. That, according to many experts, will never happen and we need to move on from that. 

But if you looked very closely, 2021 was a massive improvement over 2020!

~Miracle vaccines became available to everyone in the space of a few months. 

~Dancers in my area were able to return to the studio (with masks, but still, such a better place to be than in your living room).

~Some dance companies like mine performed in a theater with a real live audience (including Fred Armisen! What?!).

~Many people, including myself, traveled again to see loved ones.

Remember 2020? NONE of that happened. 

Okay, so let's think about 2022. We all wanted to use the pandemic as a learning tool, right? Some of you learned to bake or play music; some of you realized you hadn't been spending enough time with family or friends and made resolutions to see them more frequently. It's natural for us to want to come out of this (or make peace with still being in it) by creating new rituals or life lessons.

Honestly, I have a hard time sticking to promises to "be good to yourself!" or "seize the day!" or "live every day like it's your last!" Those are great things to remember but most of the time - for me - they don't stick. Something critical will happen - like an accident or a health scare - and in the moment, I will think, oh my gosh! that could have ended terribly! I'm so grateful it didn't! In reality, I think it's hard for any of us to live by those sayings because, well, life goes on. You have to work and buy the groceries, feed the dog and pay the rent. Everyday things tend to trump the big once-in-a-lifetime things because they press on you to get done. It's hard to tell the DMV you didn't get the smog check because you were seizing the day.

What's easier for me to use as a guide for living is a practical saying, something that is not just a personal philosophy or wishful thinking but actually something that I can follow. So this is one that I think can guide us all, whether we are dancers or just regular humans who want to dance:

USE IT OR LOSE IT.

The best thing about this very practical saying is that you can apply it to a huge range of things.

1. Your body (the obvious one, of course). We've long known that joints require constant lubrication which breaks down as you age. Movement = lubrication. Movement is what minimizes inflammation (i.e. arthritis) so if you continue to exercise daily, you keep your body - spine, knees, shoulders, etc. - going longer and with less pain. Daily movement also keeps your heart healthy, your muscles strong, and improves your balance - all of which are important for aging bodies. And no matter what age you are now, your body is aging. That's just life, lol.

 

2. Your brain (the second obvious one). Many of us experienced brain fog during the pandemic, whether we were infected with COVID or not. It comes from being quarantined, from not being able to get out and interact with others, and from never-ending Zoom meetings. Being in lockdown, uncertain and anxious for so very long results in depression. If you haven't felt it, you know someone who has. This is a sneak peek of what our brains do when we age: it's harder to remember names and places, harder to get excited about doing something we used to love, harder to envision a future that is different than what we are experiencing now. Keep your brain active through reading (don't just listen to a podcast or watch a YouTube video), fun puzzles like crosswords or Sudoku or word scrambles, and writing. Each time you challenge your brain with a new word or concept, it starts to form new grooves in it (remember, the human brain typically stops forming neural pathways by young adulthood but we can continue to forge new ones if we want to). Creating new pathways and forming new connections contribute to a healthier brain.

3. Your good dishes (or furniture or wardrobe or perfume). What are you saving these things for? What day are you waiting to wear them or serve food on them or sit on? The Queen of England is not coming to visit you any time soon. You can substitute any celebrity you like in that sentence. Seriously, though, why not use your candlesticks when you're eating a Wednesday meatloaf or a Friday pizza? Unless you have collectible Star Wars action figures that lose their value as soon as you open them, then you're wasting an opportunity to feel good, look good or smell good.

4. Your friendships (romantic, familial or just friends). The phone rings and we see the caller and let it go to voice mail. They're gonna want to talk forever and I don't have time now. Or there's a text or email that you don't reply to. They want to get together and I don't have time now. Well, what are you waiting for? What's more important? If we have learned anything from the pandemic, it's this: don't count on tomorrow or next week or next month. Not to get too morbid but, sad fact, you or your friend might get sick and that day won't come. Isn't it better to pick up the phone and say hello now? Or make a plan to grab a coffee some afternoon? If the person talks a lot, then tell them you have a "hard stop" so they know in advance you have to leave. Trust me, you will feel so much better when you do this. You will ask yourself why you waited so darn long.

5. Your dance class (you knew this was coming, lol). Everything in the previous paragraphs - body, brain, possessions, friendships - is wrapped up in a dance class. Dance helps your body and brain stay young and healthy; a class is an opportunity to dress up for yourself; our dance community surrounds you with friends. You don't need to be a professional dancer to get something (some things) from a dance class. Lifelong learning keeps your brain engaged and regular exercise strengthens your immune system. Friends help keep you sane and fulfilled. And when you get your fancy leotard or leggings out, put a drop of your favorite essential oil on your wrists, and snap a selfie in front of the barre, you feel good about yourself for yourself. Mental and physical well-being all in one place: dance class.

I wish everyone a very happy new year! Please stay healthy if you can, try to avoid stressful situations that can tax your immune system and your patience, and post this motto above your desk:

USE IT OR LOSE IT!

Let's kill the competition in 2020

There is a pervasive thread of competition in the ballet world, one that's been dramatized on screen and in books for decades. The stories are filled with cliches: the outrageously intense rivalries and eating disorders,

the dancers who give up family and relationships to pursue a career in it,

the heartbreak they suffer from rejection after rejection, and sometimes...they kill.

(Just kidding! Murder might be a familiar story point in films but in real life, not so much.)

The story ballets themselves - the classics - are filled with competition: between men for the hand of a princess, between women for the love of a prince. Like soap operas, they are often fueled by the baser instincts of humans, which makes the stories both easier to understand and acceptable to audiences.

I'm a bit bored by the classics but I don't mind seeing competition on the stage: it makes for great partnering, emotive choreography, and interesting characters. But quite frankly, I'm tired of it in real life.

I'm tired of divas in classes.

I'm tired of the needless drama off-stage.

I'm tired of the hierarchical division of schools and companies.

I'm tired of the outdated images of the perfect ballerina.

I'm tired of the lack of support among dancers, teachers and schools.

I'm tired of people who think ballet (or any art form) is a zero sum game. To paraphrase the popular saying, there's enough ballet for everyone; it's not like pie.

cc lic, Sean MacEntee, Banoffee Pie

Tired. Yes, tired of all the obstacles that people who have been "running the show" for years and years put in front of others. They put perfection before passion, rules above everything else. A student doesn't "look right" because of their background, their skin color, their body shape? Goodbye! As much as we - in 2019 - would like to believe ballet is becoming inclusive, um, no. Just no, we are not. Body shaming is a MAJOR thing in ballet. Promoting one or two dancers of color in a big company helps but until those companies start hiring dancers who really don't look like the traditional ballerina, we are just looking at a few token individuals.

I understand the aesthetics of ballet. I love the lines - for most of my life, I have been the lines. I fit the traditional mold and when I wore my hair in a bun for years, I looked the part of a ballet dancer and teacher to a T (pun intended!). But that doesn't mean I think all dancers should look like that.

That's boring.

And that is death to ballet.

Ballet will wither and die if it's boring to too many people. It will suffer a quiet demise if people don't attend shows and classes, if they don't donate or buy merchandise or dancewear. It will disappear.

This isn't hyperbole. This is reality.

This past weekend I had an opportunity to talk extensively and separately to two different people about ballet, one who is a professional dancer and the other a hobby dancer. Both people had vastly different "needs" from ballet but I found myself saying much the same things to each of them. I said this:

If ballet doesn't evolve 

to reflect the culture of the people in the audience, 

it will die.

You know, I get that a big professional company will say, we promote the idealization of ballet, and I understand that. An ABT or a San Francisco Ballet is the ideal: there are a few companies, with a few principals, and they represent perfection, the top of the heap, the achievement of years of training for its dancers who have been competing with each other their whole lives.

Oops, there's that word competition again.

But what if...everyone was represented on that stage? What if the people in the audiences saw themselves up there? What if the stories that were told were more contemporary, more unusual, with pairings and partnering and relationships that were reflective of the entire world, not merely the typical status quo that we have seen for years and years?

And what if all of this encouraged more people to attend more shows? What if it empowered more people to become ballet dancers, to study the form, to promote the art form to their friends and families and co-workers? What if they pumped more money into the continually poverty-stricken world of ballet that has relied on the kindness of a handful of wealthy donors and dismal government funding? What if they started to believe in the power of ballet, its discipline, its lessons, its beauty and grace, and they wanted it taught everywhere?

That pie just got a lot larger, didn't it? There's a slice for the big companies and the small locals, for the pre-professional schools and the hobby studios, for the teachers and choreographers who all want the same thing....to keep ballet alive.

cc lic, Stephanie, Cherry Pie

I'm being super specific about ballet because I think other forms of dance have evolved. Hip-hop, contemporary, jazz, modern...ever wonder why they are so popular at schools? Why do kids of all genders and ages want to study those dances? Because they're easy? No. Because they're accessible.

Why are we competing? Why aren't we supporting? Why are we disdainful of other schools and companies and teachers and choreographers? I want all my students to love ballet FOREVER. I want them to tell their friends and families. I want them to share their love of it. I want them to promote it and encourage kids to study, to buy tickets to shows - yeah, even if those classes are not with me and those shows are not mine. Why? The more people who love ballet, the better it is for ballet as a whole and the better it is for me, for you, for all of us. I could go into the many, many things that ballet brings to a person's life (mentally, physically, socially) but that's a rant for another day.

As we move into 2020 and look for ways to improve our community and our culture, to find common ground and encourage balance and beauty among all of us, let's do this:

Don't let ballet die. Kill the competition.

Dancing and Aging

Like most dancers (and most women), I can be hypercritical of my body. As women, we tell ourselves that "everyone hates something about their bodies" and "if it weren't for xyz on my body, I would be happy/wealthy/successful/loved".

I can't remember meeting anyone who didn't feel that way about themselves and in fact, if a woman was happy with her body, then she was criticized by others: "how dare she think she's perfect?" and "did you see her thighs?" And on and on.

But there is a difference between thinking you're perfect and being happy with the way you look. And if you do think you're perfect, then more power to you, because it takes a lot of inner strength to inure yourself to others' opinions.

As dancers, though, our self-critics are not just fully employed, they work overtime. Not only do we have to contend with the physical image we see in all those mirrors! We also have to contend with what our bodies can do. And as we age, they can do less and less.

(They can also do more and more...I'll get to that in a minute.)

Our aging is so evident because one day we can do several pirouettes and the next day, just one. This week our legs can developpe to 150 degrees but next week, it's barely above 90 if we're lucky. Jete battu? Saute cabriole? Italian fouette? Oh please no! Let's just do another port de bras and call it a day.

There it is in stark black-and-white-and-marley-gray. We are aging. We are weakening. We are no longer the best in the class. We no longer get chosen for the best roles. 

We become invisible.

Invisibility has to be the biggest blow to one's ego when one is a dancer. We practice for years for people to watch us on stage, to be noticed in the classroom by the teacher and other dancers. As we age, we become less relevant in the dance world.

If we're completely honest, ballet is painful. Not just emotionally but physically. Few people have natural turnout or the kinds of physical gifts needed to make the art form easier on the body. To achieve some of the kinds of things we want to do (or if we were forced to do them by teachers when we were young) we had to compromise our bodies. We had to give up time to rest and heal after an injury because we were performing at the time. We had to push ourselves harder than anyone else. We might have self-diagnosed because we couldn't afford a doctor and proper treatment. So years later, we have scar tissue buildup, muscles that are not balanced, and poor alignment. Women (and many men) who had/have eating disorders might also suffer from osteoporosis.

When we get to 40s, 50s, 60s, we often say "no more" to ballet. We discover yoga or another exercise that is less painful on our joints but really? We're afraid ballet doesn't want us anymore so we leave. If we're competitive people (and dancers often are simply because of the nature of the dance world), we often don't want to be seen at our lower points. Our egos get too easily bruised.

So...should the aging dancer just leave ballet behind? Should we turn our backs on the art form we spent years studying, whose discipline shaped our brains and bodies?

If you are indeed "broken," whether in body or spirit, no amount of talk from me is going to make you return to ballet. And that's fine. You have to do what is best for you. But if your soul is still connected to ballet, or dance in general, don't go! 

Find a different way to dance.

That can mean lots of things, depending on who you are. It can mean taking a beginner class instead of an advanced one. It can mean concentrating on demi-plie instead of grand plie. It may mean skipping one of the petit allegro exercises or modifying them so you can complete them in your own way. It may mean finding a different teacher, one who accepts that you won't be doing everything or that you won't be doing everything as choreographed.

There is, without a doubt, something you do well. It might be an arabesque. You might still turn well. You might have excellent balance. Whatever it is, acknowledge it and embrace it. Develop it. Look for it in every exercise you do. For me, that's adagio. I don't have the turns I once did, nor the super fast feet, but I have balance and precision. So when I approach every combination, those are the things I look for. The result is increased confidence, increased presence in the class. I look like I am enjoying myself because I am. I love it. I love dance. I love ballet.

I'll bet you do too.

I was feeling pretty good yesterday - far from perfect, I know my body is nothing like it used to be. Can it be better? Probably. Can I make it better? Maybe. Do I hate it a lot of the time? Yup. I sure do.

But yesterday I didn't hate it. I was taking class for myself and was happy to not be in pain, as I frequently am, happy I could releve and hold my balance at the barre, happy I could perform the adagio well, happy that my body was doing things I wanted to do. So I took a picture. I wanted to be able to look at this picture and think, "that's a moment I liked my body, that I appreciated what it could do."  I wanted to see it and be reminded that it wasn't a super thin body that did what I wanted. It wasn't a super young body that did what I wanted. It was a middle-aged, average size body but I was still able to make it do things that I loved doing and was proud of.

Don't leave ballet. Just find a different way to love it.

Yes, you may have this dance!

Some of my awesome beginner students

Recently I was reviewing the progress of a student who is fairly new to ballet (and honestly, if you haven't been dancing for a decade, you're still new in the eyes of ballet!) and I noticed that he was only now - after a few years with me - starting to make his presence known on-stage and in class.

In other words, he was giving himself permission to dance.

What does that mean - permission? We are all adults. Can't we do whatever the heck we want?

Yes and no.

We absolutely can do what we want but often there is an internal voice telling us not to. It's telling us:

You're the wrong body type.
You're too slow.
You're not smart enough.
People will think there's something wrong with you.
People will laugh at you.
Only privileged people are allowed to do that.

And for "privileged" you are welcome to insert "white, rich, thin, and female" because if we are all adults here, we need to be honest about how ballet has always been represented.

Nutcracker Party scene 2016

You all know my philosophy about ballet being for everyone and you all know I try to be as inclusive as I can with my classes and my performances and now with my company, Leigh Purtill Ballet Company. I don't need to talk more about that.

Look, you're an adult. You've decided to come to class. You bought a class card and some new slippers and tights and you've made some friends.

Now tell yourself it's okay for you to dance. In fact, it's more than okay: it's a must. You must dance. You must make your presence known in class and on stage. You must dance as big as you can be, as tall as you can stand, and as expressive as you can feel.

copyright 2016 Bill Reiss

You deserve a spot at the barre so take it and stand there and dance, damn it. Work your turnout and lift your arms and your chin and open your eyes and see that everyone in your class wants to be there too. That's the beauty of adult ballet: you all are choosing to be there. No one is forcing you. Your mom isn't dropping you off while she goes to the grocery store.

Each of you has your own story to tell - now tell it through your body. We want to hear that story.

Happy dancing~

Friday Fun Links! Interviews & More!

Hello beautiful dancers and Happy Friday!

If you're not on Facebook, you probably haven't seen the interview links I posted on my Leigh Purtill Ballet page. I was so honored and thrilled to be interviewed on 2 different sites, one an e-zine called Voyage LA as one of their "Inspiring Stories" (what?!!) and the other a dancewear site called BDancewear. I love BDancewear's blog because they offer all kinds of super cool DIY costume hacks and tricks. Check them out!

Here is the link to the Voyage LA article (feel free to comment and please re-post if you like! Thank you!).

And the link to the BDancewear interview (again, a comment is always awesome and it's nice to get retweets/posts/likes! Thank you!).

In both interviews, I try to let people know about my personal teaching philosophy as well as all the wonderful students who dance with me. They are the reason I do what I do! (Yes, YOU!)

So those were the interview links....what about the MORE?

How about a link to a gorgeous new t-shirt, designed by my student and soon-to-be Romeo in SWEET SORROW, A ZOMBIE BALLET? That's right, Bill Reiss - an incredibly talented artist - has designed another amazing shirt. You will probably want one in black and maybe another one in white and possibly one as a gift for a friend. Great quality shirts, as usual from Galloree, with organic cotton that holds its shape and colors really well. Best of all, the profits on the shirts go to the new ballet company, Leigh Purtill Ballet Company. It's a great deal for you because you get a really super cool new shirt for an excellent price and a deal for us because we, well, we need the cash to get our company up and running. (And we have a production in October!)

Want one? Check out the shirts here!

 And one last self-serving link: my website has been redesigned by student and company member Celia Green. It's got info for both my classes and the nonprofit ballet company. Pictures, blogs, social media links and much more. Take a look!

Okay, that's a lot of links. Enjoy the weekend! Happy dancing~

Competing passions - or complementary?

“Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.”
― Voltaire


When someone asks me what I do, I hesitate to answer.  I have to look around and remind myself where I am, what venue am I responding in. Is this a dance group of people? Then I tell them I teach ballet.  Is this a writerly group?  Then I am a novelist.


In truth, I am both. And I am equally passionate about both. If I had to give up one over the other, well, I think it would be like Sophie's Choice for me.  Ha!  Seriously, though, my writing fuels my creative fire just as much as ballet does but in a very different way. 

Writing is a solitary pursuit with feedback only provided in the far distant future. I might think a story is fantastic only to find, a few months or a year later, that a reader doesn't get it at all. On the other hand, when I teach, I receive feedback instantaneously.  I know when something is working and when it isn't. 


As an artist, you need and appreciate both types of responses from your audience.  You can create in a vacuum but you certainly can't make progress that way.  At some point, you need to come out of your cave and present your art to someone else who doesn't know and love you already.  You need objective feedback. What you do with it from then is entirely up to you!  In my case, as a writer, I may go back and rewrite if someone has a problem with a story I wrote and as a teacher, if a student isn't understanding my corrections, I can consider a new approach.


Or not.  That's my prerogative as an artist.


I've known so many dancers who are also attorneys or agents or therapists or designers. They would no sooner give up ballet than they would give up those non-dance careers. While ballet does require you to focus solely on it should you choose it as a singular career (and the number of people who can do that is truly infinitesimal), there is no reason you need to give it up if you have another means of earning a living that you love. If your passion is there, you will find a way to keep it in your life.


Happy dancing~